I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
