I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
