Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
