But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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