I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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