yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
