I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
