I think I died a long time ago.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
