I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did I show you my penis last night?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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