I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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