we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think your dad took our porno
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
