i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he thought i was a dude.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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