so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just pee around me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
