Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
