Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
