i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
