Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
