i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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