The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
