I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
