Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
