I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
