I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
