Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
