yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
