dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
