Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
