I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
