I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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