so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
