You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
