Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
