Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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