i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
