i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
