Someone shit on the floor
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
