Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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