woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
