david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
