I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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