He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
