I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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