Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my being single is dangerous.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
