OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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