do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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