At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
pray to the hookup gods
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
