she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
