4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
