we're blogging at a bar
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
