quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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