hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dignity is for republicans.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
