Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
