I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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